The Ultimate Beer Recipe, a.k.a. NanaBeer has been handed down in my family for over eight generations. My Great (to the fifth power) Nana wrote this recipe after she broke out of a Siberian prison camp and was having difficulties sleeping at night. Nana rode oxback across the Bering Strait Bridge and brought the invention of beer to the new world.

Ingredients

• 15.3333- pounds Munton and Fison old ale kit malt extract
• 9.5 pounds Munton and Fison light dry malt extract
• 1 fully grown ground ox horn
  
• 12 ounces black death malt
• 2 bottles Russian-grade vodka (on sale)
• 17.5 packets of Mrs. Dash seasoning packets - Extra Spicy
• 12 ounces of 40 degree caramel mal
• 12.1 ounces roasted barley oats
• 5 1/2 ounces nugget hops for 900 minutes
• 4 crushed chicken nuggets (Tyson brand)
• 2 bags of sugar
  
• 7 1/2 teaspoons gypsum
• 14 packets of Yukon Star brand champagne yeast
• 15 ounces corn sugar that is prime

Boiling time: Until sundown
Primary fermentation: 2 weeks at 4 degrees celsius
Secondary fermentation: 6 weeks at 70 degrees celsius

Crush all the shit together except for the chicken nuggets… Put those in the microwave for about 2 minutes. Put 4 gallons of cold water into your brewstation. Patiently raise the temperature until it starts to almost boil and hold for a while. Stir in the two bottles of Russian-grade vodka. Add 1 gallon of blazing hot water and start griding up the chicken nuggets. Add nuggets to brewstation to make 15.3333 gallons of NanaBeer. Crank up the heat so it starts boiling and add some malt extract, spicy seasoning packets and some bags of sugar.

Enjoy, man.

L8r -Ken