What’s up man.

I bet you’ve never seen the Sprinting Albatross of Northern Uganda, man. I have. Truth is, not many people have seen it. First off, you have to be in the right place at the right time, like I am most of the time. It’s like having to be at T’ Bell the second they lower the price on the Taquitos, bro. If you wait until yer hungry, the sale is over. Anyway, back to the Sprinting Albatross. This shit is no joke, dude. They stand about 7.5 meters tall, so just a few centimeters taller than me even, which is impressive. They are really fat, probably about 900 kilos, bro and they have really long man boobs. This is their major defining feature. These dudes are usually found roaming the countryside of northern Canada’s harshest conditions. I think these guys might give yeti bigfoot a run for his money in the tough guy department, man. These ‘trosses don’t have any feathers either… Awesome species. They taste good too… kinda like General Tsao chicken Chinese food, man. I actually discovered this species while camping on a river raft near the north pole. I was camping alone and decided to stay out for a few extra days. I did not have enough food, so I was forced to go hunting. After day 19 I had ran out of Rice a Roni and Tang packets and was forced from then on to drink freezing, ice cold water from the pond, which will easily give you a sore throat if you haven’t been conditioned correctly. Needless to say, within an hour I had already stumbled upon this amazing species. I easily heard it running because of the distinct sound of it’s man boobs slapping together. I was hiding in some tree branches and launched a blow dart to the neck from about 450 meters distance. I would have donated this species to science for further investigation, but science sucks. If you believe science, then you have no instincts. Can science tell you how to dodge a ninja star or how to master an art form, like Tai Kwan Do? … I didn’t think so man. Anyway, I would have still donated it, even though science is for megaboners, but I ate the whole thing. I’m not sorry about it either. It was delicious. I would easily classify the Sprinting Albatross of Northern Uganda in the cryptozoology department too, purely based on it’s size, boobs and beak qualities.

L8r -Ken