Sup turds,

Chris Dickenson, who is a pro wrestler for the Jersey All Pro Wrestling league right now (JAPW) is someone that I go way back with. In fact, we both trained with Nikolai Volkof and the Iron Sheik in Siberia. Chris and I actually went to high school together here in Yukon. We ditched most classes and cruised around in my El Camino spinning cookies in the Taco Bell parking lot looking for chicks. C-Dawg is one tough son of a bitch, man, and I know he is not being treated right in New Jersey All Pro Wrestling. He should be the number 1 contender for the world heavyweight title, dude. He has not unleashed the “condor crusher” on anyone yet, nor has he unleashed the “Siberian sak attack.” I saw him use the SSA on one unsuspecting secret agent while we were working some shows in Thailand for the government. Let’s just say that the dude can’t have kids unless he bears them…

What a lot of people don’t realize is that Dickenson was signed to the largest contract ever in WWE Russia… which is much bigger than the crappy Canada/US training grounds version of WWE. WWE Russia has all the top wrestlers and babes. Heather Locklear was managing Dickenson for a while during the Siberian tour. We were a tag team for a while. We were called Moose Dick. Dickenson won the title, took the money and ran, like a real man. We took the cash and started our own Taco Bell franchise in Northern Yukon. Currently holding the world record for the most Arctic location for any Mexican restaurant.

On top of that, these fuckin turds Danny Demanto, Dan Maff and other shitheads keep fuckin with him man. They better look out. Chris keeps trying to fly me in to do a run-in and jump these megaturds, but I’m not interested. It’s hunting season right now and I’m collecting tree squirrel furs to create a rodent tent for camping. Kenny Omega should watch his back too, cuz he’s a megaturd, man. He has the belt right now, but Dickerson is coming for it bro.

Suck my Dickenson.

l8r -ken