‘Sup turds… My name is Ken the Moose Wilkinson, bro. I was born and raised in Canada’s super tough Yukon Territory, but have traveled extensively due to my career… I am a geoducker. If you don’t know what that is, then I will tell you.

Basically, as a top Geoducker, I take Mother Nature on by the balls, man. I hold my breath and dive to the bottom of the ocean floor and pick the ‘ducks off of rocks… All while dodging hammerhead sharks and Russian submarines. By doing this, I make up to Canadian $5000.00 a day, dude. I also make up to $2 million every 2.5 if I don’t file taxes. This is also known as “Geoduck Poaching.”

I was actually featured on G4TV’s December 5, 2007 episode of X Play’s Video Viewer Mail. I’m sure their ratings went through the roof… At least with the babe demographic… Not since they had Mario Lopez or John Stamos on there have they probably seen ratings like this. Either way, I’m sure they’re in a conference room right now trying to figure out how to raise Canadian $273 million so I can be a host two days a week or something. They can fill the rest of the time slots with “best of” footage of me being mega.

Don’t worry foxy internet babes… I’ll download some pictures of me onto the internet pretty soon of me with my shirt off and stuff.

I’ve nailed more chicks than a rooster in a hammer throwing contest, man… Eat yer heart out Stamos.

I don’t like turds, man. Never have, never will.