Sup losers?

Well, it looks like I have enough ammo to start writin a book man. As you noticed I haven’t been ah writin a lotta internet posts lately. That’s an ass ton of reason why, not excluding crashin the net in Lithuania due to my extensive porno and casino browser add ons hackin the mainframe. I wasn’t able to send in my net bill man, so they cut me off man. There was a huge snailmail problem in western siberia in October and November, so I sent about $400 cash to the internet and tried dialin in tons ah times. I’m pretty sure the cash got picked up in a sting operation and I got cut off. Anyway, it don’t fuckin matter man. I’m in a livin in the ah now and not in history bro. That’s why the babe on my donkey is on my mind and I’m not ah dreamin about when Locklear used to do that dude.

When I was hiding in a bunker in Yeniseysk, Siberia on a business trip, I was sleepin and didn’t put my dinner away. Coyotes could smell nothin but cheetos and fish sticks for kilometers aways. Shit wasn’t pretty man. The coyotes took a nice chunk out of my thigh, probably cuz it still had wing sauce on my pant leg from the week before. Luckily I sleep with one eye open and was able to grab my huntin knife and decapitate the four legged assassins before they ate my whole leg. I ended up skinnin them both and using the hide to make a pretty fuckin sweet bandana man and also cover up my wound til I got back to Yukon to see Dr. Janikowski.

I’m gettin a new dirtbike with all the cash I made on my trip man. So yeah, fuck off and tell yer girlfriend I’ll be right over to finish the slop job of dissatisfaction you started turd…. right after I’m done with my current clientele. The chicks are all ah happy I’m back man. Come on over babes, Pleasure Ken is back dude.

l8r

- Pleasure Ken

Sup turds?

Apparently a lot for me man. It looks like the TV show on the ‘net called FlushTV - http://www.flushtv.com is airing exclusive footage as per our contract allows. They came up here to my house in Yukon and shot some footage of me talking for their “Poop Special.” We ended up doing some scenes in Siberia too, but right now the Russian government is holding those tapes hostage until I give back my Siberian lottery earnings. Not gonna happen man. My deal with Flush ain’t exclusive man. I’m not signing that kind of legality over to no one bro. Check out this schweet video with me in it dude and see what a $100,000 non-exclusive deal can buy you too.

l8r -ken

Sup Giant Retards?

So I was cruising Youturd and found a crappy fucking video of some turds claiming to have found some Loch Ness ice giant in Siberia man. NOT. It’s not true man. I’m a dual citizen of Siberia and my Nana is from there man. My grandpa’s name is Kensekov Wilkinyeltson man. I’ve got Siberian blood dude, and this video is bullshit man. They film some Discovery Channel crappy TV show like Ice Truckers or the Deadliest Catch… They oughtta be filming Ken the Moose Wilkinson’s Deadliest Fart man. If they want ratings bro. Here’s a link to the crappy inturdnet video. Here’s my response… The ice giant is a giant fucking turd that I pushed out and it’s been iced over since ‘89 man. Check this shit out. PWNAGE.

Here’s the crappy video of Ice Giants

l8r -ken

Sup Dipshits?

Well, I did it man. I’m on Myturd. I have an exclusive deal with them and they gave me my own webpage on their site man. You can “friend” me here. I’m gonna tell you right now bro, unless you’re fucking mega or a fucking mega hot babe, don’t even bother being my friend dude cuz I don’t have time for crap like responding to shit cuz it’s fucking hunting season here man and I’m busy. I will be on Myturd cybering with hot babes though. A bunch of Russian chicks have already sended me tons of naked photogs.

l8r -ken

A lot of turds have been asking me how to unlock the El Camino in Mario Kart Wii, so I decided to make an internet step-by-step tootorial.

1.) First, you’re going to have to create a Mii character and name him “ken” - if you don’t do this, you might as well not even continue reading because you’re not going to unlock the Camino.

2.) You’re going to have to win the Star Cup in 150cc four (4) times in a row.

3.) Build up your online profile to have over 7000 points and win 10 races in Dry Dry Desert.

4.) Go to your drivers license page and wave the Wiimote up - down - up - down - left - right - left - right then hit A - B - A - B. If done correctly, you will hear a guitar sound.

5.) Enter a race, select the “ken” Mii then go to the choose a kart screen. There you will see the El Camino. Get ready to destroy online.

You’re welcome, turds.

l8r -ken