Alright man. So the UFC fight was this weekend, and I wasn’t about to pay money for that crap. If I wanted to see a couple girls fight, I could go down to the Silver Donkey any night of the week. It’s not that I can’t afford the Pay Per View because I totally can. I’m rich from all of my endorsement deals. Either way, I decided to point the ol’ satellite dish the way of the Soviet Union. In Yukon, we have a direct line of sight to Siberia, allowing us to watch all of their crappy television. There is no such thing as pay per view in the USSR, man. Everything is stolen. Anyway, I tuned in to the crappy fight and saw Chuck Liddell get punked out by Rashad Evans. All I can say is good thing he didn’t get hit by me. In fact it would have been more exciting if I would have just whacked him upside the head with the ol’ moose dong. Probably woulda knocked his fuckin block off man. But, then I would be a multiple time lethal weapon in the USA. The UFC actually considered me for that fight against Liddell. It would have been similar to the hype that Kimbo Slice had for his fight, but times 1,000. UFC opted against it for two reasons.

1. Because they can’t fuckin afford me bro. Especially when you convert that shit into Canadian currency or Russian wooden nickels.

2. They can’t get enough insurance policies to cover the carnage of my opponents.

3. They can’t locate enough Shout! sticks to get all the blood stains out of the crowd’s clothing. That shit woulda been so violent that the people at home would have been covered in blood.

I don’t even think that the cable/satellite providers could have handled the bandwidth if I would have fought anyway. Plus, there isn’t a bank that could handle the revenue that the fight would have drawn… Plus there would have been a severe shortage of female panties after the fight, since all the chicks in attendance and the billions watching at home would have been tearing them off and throwing them in the octagon/at the tv.

L8r pussies,
-Ken